Jerseylicious?

My staff was ranting about the TV show Jerseylicious, so naturally I was curious to see what all the hype was about. I had never tuned in when the show was on live, so I YouTubed it and viewed some outtakes. I was not as horrified as I thought I would be, but then last night I got to see the entire show. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have one’s profession portrayed in such a way.

When I was younger, I was ashamed to tell anyone that I was a hairstylist because of the stereotype that went with the job. When asked to list my profession, I would write something like “Artist” or “Professional.” Never was I going to reveal that I was a hairstylist. Then finally, when I developed enough self-confidence to realize that I was an intelligent being, and that even a hairstylist could be admirable, I confessed. I think it was around the time I opened OMG.

I was not willing to compromise my integrity and hire those embarrassing hairstylist types if I didn’t have to. But I did! I hired weirdos like Joseph Ferrere, I guess because I was either desperate or thought that I might be able to teach them some dignity. But I was wrong! They are who they are. And the clients who go to them go for the same reason that they watch Jerseylicious--because it’s weird and vulgar! Those getups they wear on the show are too much!

I have to admit that sometimes my own staff dress in ways that make me wonder, but for the most part they are fashionable if not creative in their attire and sometimes even rather conservative. And then there is me. I’m a slob! So I dress in disposable clothing that I buy at Gap on sale or at Old Navy. But I do believe that I am somewhat fashionable and not vulgar in my attire. I may wear a lot of jewelry, but then that’s “fashionable” right now for men. I’ve observed that as women get older, they too tend to wear more jewelry, like larger diamonds, so maybe that’s my answer to the mid-life crisis. I guess it detracts from the wrinkles.

But let’s get back to Jerseylicious. Gayle is the epitome of what I discussed in my first blog: the woman who’s over 60 with hair that is too long, and who’s trying to compete with her own daughter. My advice for her is “Cut that fuckin’ hair! Get some style! After all, that is what you are supposed to represent.” Style!!! Clearly, it’s something that none of the show’s cast knows anything about. They all look like hookers! Not one of them is fashionable, well put together, or frankly, even acceptable. I wouldn’t use any of them as a stylist unless I wanted to work the streets. And I can’t imagine who would go to this salon and patronize these hairdressers (notice that I refer to them as “hairdressers,” not “hair stylists.” Calling them stylists would be giving all of them more credit then they deserve).

I have often wondered why my profession attracts this type of person. At first, I thought it was because they weren’t smart enough to get into college and in most cases barely graduated high school (me included). So they get a student loan and go to “hairdressing school” (as they call it) and hope to make a living. But I think there may be more to it than that. I think it may be the chemicals that we work with.

The newest salon product under suspicion is the keratin treatment. (How can a chemical process be a “treatment?”) When these products were first introduced, they were said to be a combination of keratin and formaldehyde. Naturally, there was concern that formaldehyde, being a known carcinogen, made the process dangerous. So companies sought to reformulate the products to exclude formaldehyde. One such company, De Pasqual, claimed that its formulation didn’t contain formaldehyde, so I sent two of my stylists to be trained in the process. The next day I asked how it went and they said it was good. But during our conversation, I mentioned the suspect ingredient and one of my stylists said that it contained no formaldehyde. Instead it contained a formaldehyde derivative called “Amaldehyde.” Take off the “F” and it’s no longer carcinogenic? Bullshit!

So we went looking for any other product that would eliminate formaldehyde, as we were losing money by failing to offer this treatment, which had become one of the biggest moneymaking services at other salons.

The company that makes some of the hair color we use at OMG made just such a product. On the front of the box it proclaimed that there was “Zero formaldehyde.” But being a skeptic, I asked Jenni to call the company and get a list of all the ingredients in the product. All of it seemed okay except for two chemicals that were foreign to us: Methylchloroisothiazolinone http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylchloroisothiazolinone and Methylisothiazolinone http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylisothiazolinone. The first has been shown to cause neurological damage in rats, and the second is suspected of being a carcinogen.

I guess that explains why we don’t do these processes at OMG, but I think I’ve finally figured out why some people in my profession behave in ways that make me cringe. It’s the chemicals! I guess after years of handling these toxic substances, some of these stylists must have neurological damage, or something.

Camel Toe

Last Saturday was a warm spring day, and a client who comes every week for a blow dry with one of my most creative and successful stylists arrived wearing short shorts. This woman is trim and usually quite well dressed. Another client pointed her out to me, remarking on what happened when the woman sat down. Her shorts got even shorter, her Hadassah thighs spread, and she looked like she wasn’t wearing shorts at all. I wondered whether all the mirrors in her house were from her waist up. How could she not know that her legs in those shorts would completely destroy her total appearance and actually make her look vulgar? Although her calves were not svelte, they would pass in a skirt or shorts that were longer, at least to the knee.

And if that wasn't enough, this woman has a voice that carries! I mean CARRIES!!! The pitch could break glass, and she isn't subtle about her conversations either. Once she was on her cell phone the entire time she was in the salon, including while she was getting washed, and continuing as she was blown out. Didn't miss a beat! Can you imagine how loud she needed to speak when the water was running and her head was in the sink? Not to mention that her phone could have been ruined. (I would have accidentally soaked it just to get her to shut up.) And then she continued talking with a blow dryer in her ear, but never changed her pitch. Everyone could hear every word she was saying. Another client was going to tell her how rude she was, but I intervened and calmed her down (although I really didn’t want to stop her). This woman holds a very important position in the community. Can you imagine?

Don't women (and men) see themselves? Don't they know that they have strengths and weaknesses in their appearance and their personas? That we can be just as unattractive as attractive in both the way we dress and our behavior? What about those women who are "fleshy" and insist on wearing spandex so that they actually look naked, leaving nothing to the imagination? Gross! Wouldn't a dress or loose slacks and a top be just as comfortable, if not more so? I had a housekeeper who was, let's say, a bit more then Rubenesque. All she wore were clothes that were too tight for her, like she grew out of them two sizes ago. I think that she thought that she looked "sexy." (But why would you want to look sexy cleaning a house anyway?) I remember that one day she had zippered pockets at the breasts of her jumpsuit and they hung where her nipples would be. I thought they were tassels! I was ready to ask her not to wear that jumpsuit again as my daughter might get the wrong idea.

What about those women with camel toes? What's that about? Do they think that it's an attractive look, like a cleavage? Do they think men are going to get turned on by seeing the actual shape of a vagina? And it’s almost always on a woman who is overweight or unattractive. Maybe that’s why they do it--they have nothing to lose. Isn't that uncomfortable anyway? If my balls were being squashed like that I think I would be quite uncomfortable, as well as embarrassed.

Nobody is perfect, but why flaunt the negatives? I was about twelve to fifteen pounds overweight a few months ago and I would wear my shirttails out or a sweater that covered my love handles or gut. When I got dressed, I would try on something that might have fit when I was at my best weight and immediately take it off when I saw how bad I looked. I don't think I'm vain--I just think I have enough self-pride to know when I look good or not.

It really doesn't take much to look in a mirror and take off what doesn't work. Then again, make sure that you show off your best features. Got breasts, show em off. I don't mean take them out, but wear something that enhances them. Got legs, let's see. Legs always look good in heels but heels aren't appropriate for all occasions. I have a client who has great gams (or at least did when she was younger) so all she wore were heels. Heels with skirts, with shorts, with a bathing suit and I'm sure when she was getting dressed, before she even put on her underwear, she put on her heels. As she got older, her ass got bigger, her skirts got shorter and her heels got higher. If she bent over to put down her handbag, she ran the risk of her ass hanging out from under her skirt. Now that’s a bit excessive! Again, where are the mirrors in her house? Nice ass, flaunt it! In pants or a skirt I mean, not naked, or not pants or a skirt that are too tight. That becomes vulgar and again, can lead to "Camel Toe."

Don't hide behind your clothes. They are intended to make you look attractive. Wear what works and get rid of what doesn't. There is nothing more attractive than not showing the whole thing. Teasing! That’s what low-cut, a side slit in a skirt, a plunging neckline or back is all about. Did you ever go to a nude beach? Not the prettiest sight, is it? Most of the people on nude beaches shouldn't be there. But then again, that’s another consciousness.

Embrace Your Age... at Any Age.

Take notice ladies who are trying a bit too hard to recapture your youth, this beautiful woman is the epitome of style and grace.

I have been talking about writing a book now for a few years. With over forty seven years in the beauty business as a make-up and hair stylist for all sorts of celebrities, socialites and just ordinary women, I have so many stories to tell!! I've started the book several times and never really made the commitment to see it through. Now with everyone blogging, and because I am trendy, I thought I might try my voice at this and see what comes of it. Certainly it's less of a commitment and saves me the embarrassment of people hating what I write.

So here goes:
There is so much to say, I have so many opinions about so many things; I guess I'm just judgmental and critical! That said; let's talk about long hair on women that are in their 60’s and 70's. Not a good thing. At least not past their shoulders! I don't care how many face lifts you have had and how young you feel, look, or want to look, you’re still a grandmother. Speaking of grandmothers, early in my career, I had a client, Mrs. Weinberger. Her son-in-law was a plastic surgeon. She always wore fishnet stockings (they were fashionable at the time) and mini skirts. I would guess that she was in her seventies. From 30 feet away she looked 35, but as she grew closer, with every step she gained ten years, Shocking! A perfect example of trying too hard. There comes a time when you should stop trying to compete with 20 year old girls, give your daughter her space and the right to be prettier then you. You had your chance, enjoyed it, now move on! There is nothing more beautiful then an elegant woman that has the self confidence to accept her age with grace and dignity. I remember when I was in my twenties and went to Paris for the first time. My wife and I, you read me right, yes, I was married once to a very beautiful and wonderful woman, Linda. That’s how I have a son, Seth. But anyhow, we went to the restaurant Benoit, an Alain Ducasse restaurant. In walked an older woman: blond hair, red lips (Why do French women have the courage to wear red lipstick and American women don't?). Dressed elegantly, she made an entrance with just her dignity and grace. She didn't have to be young, she didn't need long hair, she knew who she was and was proud of it. She was greeted warmly by everyone, even more-so then some of the more attractive women in the room. I was truly enlightened by that experience. I became aware that a woman's age doesn’t make her beautiful or not. It's her manner, the way she feels about herself. Shoulder-length hair isn't going to give you self-confidence. Neither will a face lift (well a face lift might if you’re not happy with what you see in the mirror). I'm sure all of you have had similar experiences, noticing a woman entering a room, and although she may not be young, or even beautiful, there is something about her that is just captivating, unique, and elegant, in just her manner. As we get older, it's even more important to strive for that bit of self-confidence. All the surgery, long hair, even diamonds, just won’t do it. Speaking of diamonds, aren't they just beautiful? Love them! Love those big solitaires! I like to see a woman wearing diamonds, even during the day. John and I were in Como, Italy at Villa Serbelloni sitting on the veranda having a drink with a couple that we just met that happened to be from Malvern, Pa. (what a coincidence!) when the glass doors opened and out swirled a beautiful woman, most likely in her late twenties, long wet blond hair, bare feet, wearing a black ball gown, no make-up (she didn't need any) and a diamond necklace. Perfect! Sometimes that’s all you need.