Jerseylicious?

My staff was ranting about the TV show Jerseylicious, so naturally I was curious to see what all the hype was about. I had never tuned in when the show was on live, so I YouTubed it and viewed some outtakes. I was not as horrified as I thought I would be, but then last night I got to see the entire show. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have one’s profession portrayed in such a way.

When I was younger, I was ashamed to tell anyone that I was a hairstylist because of the stereotype that went with the job. When asked to list my profession, I would write something like “Artist” or “Professional.” Never was I going to reveal that I was a hairstylist. Then finally, when I developed enough self-confidence to realize that I was an intelligent being, and that even a hairstylist could be admirable, I confessed. I think it was around the time I opened OMG.

I was not willing to compromise my integrity and hire those embarrassing hairstylist types if I didn’t have to. But I did! I hired weirdos like Joseph Ferrere, I guess because I was either desperate or thought that I might be able to teach them some dignity. But I was wrong! They are who they are. And the clients who go to them go for the same reason that they watch Jerseylicious--because it’s weird and vulgar! Those getups they wear on the show are too much!

I have to admit that sometimes my own staff dress in ways that make me wonder, but for the most part they are fashionable if not creative in their attire and sometimes even rather conservative. And then there is me. I’m a slob! So I dress in disposable clothing that I buy at Gap on sale or at Old Navy. But I do believe that I am somewhat fashionable and not vulgar in my attire. I may wear a lot of jewelry, but then that’s “fashionable” right now for men. I’ve observed that as women get older, they too tend to wear more jewelry, like larger diamonds, so maybe that’s my answer to the mid-life crisis. I guess it detracts from the wrinkles.

But let’s get back to Jerseylicious. Gayle is the epitome of what I discussed in my first blog: the woman who’s over 60 with hair that is too long, and who’s trying to compete with her own daughter. My advice for her is “Cut that fuckin’ hair! Get some style! After all, that is what you are supposed to represent.” Style!!! Clearly, it’s something that none of the show’s cast knows anything about. They all look like hookers! Not one of them is fashionable, well put together, or frankly, even acceptable. I wouldn’t use any of them as a stylist unless I wanted to work the streets. And I can’t imagine who would go to this salon and patronize these hairdressers (notice that I refer to them as “hairdressers,” not “hair stylists.” Calling them stylists would be giving all of them more credit then they deserve).

I have often wondered why my profession attracts this type of person. At first, I thought it was because they weren’t smart enough to get into college and in most cases barely graduated high school (me included). So they get a student loan and go to “hairdressing school” (as they call it) and hope to make a living. But I think there may be more to it than that. I think it may be the chemicals that we work with.

The newest salon product under suspicion is the keratin treatment. (How can a chemical process be a “treatment?”) When these products were first introduced, they were said to be a combination of keratin and formaldehyde. Naturally, there was concern that formaldehyde, being a known carcinogen, made the process dangerous. So companies sought to reformulate the products to exclude formaldehyde. One such company, De Pasqual, claimed that its formulation didn’t contain formaldehyde, so I sent two of my stylists to be trained in the process. The next day I asked how it went and they said it was good. But during our conversation, I mentioned the suspect ingredient and one of my stylists said that it contained no formaldehyde. Instead it contained a formaldehyde derivative called “Amaldehyde.” Take off the “F” and it’s no longer carcinogenic? Bullshit!

So we went looking for any other product that would eliminate formaldehyde, as we were losing money by failing to offer this treatment, which had become one of the biggest moneymaking services at other salons.

The company that makes some of the hair color we use at OMG made just such a product. On the front of the box it proclaimed that there was “Zero formaldehyde.” But being a skeptic, I asked Jenni to call the company and get a list of all the ingredients in the product. All of it seemed okay except for two chemicals that were foreign to us: Methylchloroisothiazolinone http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylchloroisothiazolinone and Methylisothiazolinone http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylisothiazolinone. The first has been shown to cause neurological damage in rats, and the second is suspected of being a carcinogen.

I guess that explains why we don’t do these processes at OMG, but I think I’ve finally figured out why some people in my profession behave in ways that make me cringe. It’s the chemicals! I guess after years of handling these toxic substances, some of these stylists must have neurological damage, or something.